‘Cause I gonna make you see,
there nobody else here,
no one like me.
I’m special, so special.
I gotta have some of your attention,
give it to me!
(Brass in a Pocket, Pretenders)
It’s such a joy to be smarter than the fellow next door, or to be the home-coming queen at high school, or to have that mansion that everyone else can only dream about. You fill in the dots please and tell me what gets your juices going, or once did. The craving of the self—just as the fear of not getting what we are all about—has a taste, has a smell, has a rush of testosterones and dopamines associated with it. You know when you are ‘on’, just as you unmistakably know when something is missing.
I remember the joy the went through me when someone in the spiritual community posted a note claiming that the old villain ‘ego’ was in fact our life force, and that trying to kill it was equivalent to suicide. Though an unpopular idea in our community, I just knew that it was right. Everyone of us has access to a stream—a life force—that needs creative expression. The problem only before was that we disagreed with life in which direction it should be headed. Used properly, this stream nourishes a Garden that is our notion of Heaven.
Specialness separate us from others while uniqueness unites us with others and the Beyond. The learning opportunity is only knowing which is which. Express your uniqueness in all areas of your life; at work, as well as at home with your friends and family. Finding our uniqueness is a two-way process, we have to be open to life’s feed-back mechanism as well to discover what’s meaningful to us. Being the lead violin is great if it is embedded in an orchestra with a talented conductor. Spiritual living is following our life-energy and creatively expressing it.
Awakening, with all the joys and magic it brings, also feels a little like purgatory. It’s like an engine dying on us. We still feel the old desires of being special, but we can’t express them any longer. On the other hand, we already taste and see the Garden that is out there for each of us, but we are still not quite there. We are in no-man’s-land, damned if we do, and damned if we don’t, but it’s just a little phase, a re-orientation of sorts. We get there sooner or later. The quicker you are able to let go of all self-imposed resistance, the sooner it will come.
The Course in Miracles promises about the state to come, ‘And you will think, in glad astonishment, that for all this you gave up nothing.’ It’s like someone pulled a lever, replacing love co-dependency with universal love, passion with enthusiasm, and fear of losing out with the knowledge of always having. The ego’s trusted allies and villains fall like dominos and are replaced with pillars of
Fusion with the Beyond—SELF in short.
You know when the shift into the new world is complete, but until then keep planting your Garden. Let God make you special. What are you waiting for?