Countless poets, philosophers, and wise men have talked about the nature of love and how it can change a person’s life. Jay Shetty, a former monk, sheds some light on love in his latest book, “8 Rules of Love,” currently available on Amazon.
Who is Jay Shetty?
Jay Shetty is a British podcaster, author, and life coach. His book, “Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day,” is a New York Times Best Selling book that offers readers practical steps to live a less anxious-ridden and more meaningful life.
As a former monk, Shetty brings timeless yet practical tips on how to think like a monk. Based on ancient wisdom and personal experiences, he strives to share his knowledge with the world. He has since become a successful life coach and host.
The 8 Rules of Love Summary:
On January 2023, Jay Shetty released a new book titled “8 Rules of Love.” In the book, he talks about the stages of romance, drawing his knowledge from ancient wisdom and contemporary science.
The sad truth is that no one taught us how to love. As children, our parents were the closest models of what a relationship should be like. Growing up, we are most likely to copy or emulate relationships from what we observe on TV, in movies, and from other people. With no in-depth understanding of relationships, many of us often get into a romance with only the vaguest idea of what it should be.
Fortunately, 8 Rules of Love gives us specific and doable steps that can help us develop the skills to practice and nurture love. Instead of presenting love as this supernatural concept or as a basket of cliches, Shetty reminds us that we can love our partners and ourselves.
What Are Some of the Rules?
While there are eight rules of love in the book, here are some critical summaries of what you can expect from the book:
1. Let yourself be alone.
Many people confuse being alone with loneliness, which is not the case. However, there are some benefits one can gain when learning to appreciate their own company.
For instance, you have more time to reflect and can use this time to become the best version of yourself. Being alone also pushes you to be more appreciative of others because you can use this time to develop self-confidence. When you take the time to learn more about yourself, you’ll find the right kind of relationship for you.
Ideally, a relationship shouldn’t be about two people searching for their other half. Instead, a relationship should be between two people with individual interests, goals, and strengths who choose to be together and create a loving union.
When you learn to appreciate yourself and what you can offer, you’ll find it more fulfilling once you’re in a relationship with someone else.
2. Chemistry starts a relationship, but character makes it last.
We all have that instance of feeling a strong connection or spark with someone. While that initial spark is a vital factor that jumpstarts a relationship, it’s not enough to sustain it.
As we grow older with our partner, that initial spark may fade every so often, rearing its head when it is ready to make an entrance. How can a couple sustain their relationship when the spark takes a backseat? According to Jay Shetty, it’s character.
Character is the summation of your mental and moral qualities. Your character is influenced by thoughts, ideas, motives, intentions, temperament, judgment, behavior, perception, emotions, loves, and hates. Whatever you believe and how you behave encompasses your character as a human being.
Couples with compatible characteristics and goals will undoubtedly have a long and prosperous relationship.
Being compatible doesn’t mean that you share the same interests. Instead, it means you share the same values, goals, and ideas on how to make your relationship work.
3. Relationships end because patience, kindness, and understanding end.
A long-lasting relationship requires patience, kindness, and understanding. Despite the occasional disagreements, partners should learn to listen, respect, and provide a space for non-judgmental discussions. During these disagreements, it’s essential to let your partner have their fair share in the discussion, even if you disagree with them.
4. Intimacy is more than sex.
People often confuse intimacy with sex because they are vulnerable when naked and having fun in bed. However, intimacy is more than just sexual pleasure and chemistry.
Intimacy is a closeness that cannot be replicated with anyone else. It’s a steadfast belief that no matter how vulnerable and flawed you are, your partner will never use your perceived weaknesses against you. Intimacy involves a deep understanding, where sometimes, you feel your partner knows you more than you know yourself.
5. There are more types of love than romantic love.
Love is a multifaceted phenomenon that is not only reserved for lovers. The love between two lovers is not the same as between a parent and a child, friends, siblings, and even pets. According to the Ancient Greeks, there are at least eight different types of love as follows:
Philia: An affectionate love that runs deep in friendships.
Pragma: Enduring and mature love that develops over time.
Storge: Familiar love between parents, children, and childhood friends. This love type is built upon acceptance and a deep emotional connection that comes easily.
Eros: Romantic love that deals with personal infatuation and physical pleasure. This primal form of love comes as an instinct for most people when they’re attracted to one another. Physical touch is a necessary component of this love type.
Ludus: Playful love that is often found in the beginning stages of intimate love. This love type is also known as the “honeymoon stage,” where flirting and playful teasing are typical.
Mania: Mania is an obsessive love towards a partner that can quickly result in jealousy or possessiveness. While a bit of jealousy is okay, partners must have a healthy level of playful and romantic love to diminish the adverse effects of manic love.
Philautia: Self-love that one displays by providing compassion to the self.
Agape: Selfless love shown through empathy and compassion for others. It is the highest level of love to offer, where it’s given without expecting anything in return.
To learn more about the other rules, order the book on Amazon. You can also follow Jay Shetty on his official website.